To beat or not to beat

Getting to know the locals has been one of the most rewarding experiences so far. Having spent 6 weeks here now we have been fortunate to scratch beneath the surface and really take a part of people's day-to-day lives. Also, we dare to pose some more questions, the things we really want to know. Like where are the women and children? We have focussed on getting to know people with kids so that E can play. First thing that struck us here is that you hardly see women and children in town. You see men. Two kinds: The men who work really hard from dusk to dawn, and then the young men "limin'"(meaning doing nothing, but play cards and smoke). We have found that there are two types of women; the housewifes who cook, clean and take care of the children, and the working women - who do the same AND bring home the money. We have gotten to know two working women with children that we spend quite some time with. One is the waitress of a restaurant. At 15.00, when her kids finish school, she picks them up and brings them to the restaurant. There they spend the afternoon while she works, doing their homework and having a snack (chips and coca cola). And play with E.

The other one is our lovely housekeeper. On Saturdays when she cleans our house she brings her 2,5 year old P with her. We are usually out, but this Saturday we were home so she and E played. This was quite an experience.
P was quite a handful. She would play pretty rough, and B, who was keeping a well-needed eye on them had to tell her "no - be nice" a few times, with no success whatsoever. After a few rounds of this, our housekeeper (having heard B) steps inside and, without a word, gives her daughter a huge slap on the upper arm. *Klatsch*. I was watching E and saw her eyes grow double size (mine too, anyway...). A few minutes later, P pushed E, and got another slap *klatsch*, accompanied with the words "if you are not good to her I will beat you!" (Double standard, anyone?)

We realise that it is custom here to beat the kids as a part of raising them (our housekeeper is still really lovely), but it is kind of hard to explain this to a 3year old, who is learning the (scandinavian) social patterns, and many times a day will say "you should not fight or hit anyone, but be nice and hug and kiss them" from a wonderful story they read in kindergarten at home. We learnt also that babies, too young to go to pre-school, will be placed on a blanket on the floor at home. If they attempt to leave it - the mother will simply hit the baby. B and I have had many discussions how this influences the children, and specifically the lack of verbal communication, not being told WHY things should or should not be done.

Maybe it links to the text on a t-shirt I saw a man wear: "The highest form of love is obedience".